Episode 170: Parenting with Self-Awareness and Self-Discipline: Ryann Watkin’s Approach

In this episode, DJ sits down with Ryann Watkin, a passionate speaker, educator, wife, and mother of three, to explore how self-discipline plays a critical role in shaping compassionate, emotionally healthy families. With her unique blend of curiosity and life experience, Ryann dives deep into the intersection of psychology, spirituality, and family life.

Ryann Watkin is a self-proclaimed existential question-asker, book lover, and inspiration junkie. After navigating acute postpartum depression, her journey toward self-exploration led her to seek better ways to live, parent, and connect with the world. Through her podcast, Raising Wild Hearts, Ryann shares her passion for exploring where psychology, spirituality, and family life intersect. Nothing fills her heart like a deep, philosophical conversation, and she brings that energy to this insightful discussion.

4:34 – DJ and Ryann dive into the role self-discipline plays in both parenting and adulthood, reflecting on how it influences not only family life but also society as a whole.
19:27 – DJ and Ryann chat about how parents teach their kids both intentionally and unintentionally through everyday interactions, shaping behaviors in ways we might not even realize.
25:53 – They discuss the importance of letting kids vent their emotions when they're really upset, offering a listening ear without jumping in or interrupting.

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Transcript

DJ Stutz  0:14  

You're listening to Imperfect Heroes: Insights into Parenting, the perfect podcast for imperfect parents looking to find joy in their experience of raising children in an imperfect world, and I'm your host, DJ Stutz.

Hey everyone, thank you for joining us here on Imperfect Heroes: Insights into Parenting. And you know, this month, we are talking about self discipline and how we engage that with our kiddos. How do we help them to think ahead and consider the consequences of their choices and move forward? So before we get started on that with my amazing guest, Ryann Watken, I want to remind everyone that Imperfect Heroes Podcast has been nominated for outstanding podcast in the Parenting, Family and Kids category by the women in podcasting group. And so that's kind of fun. And so I'd love a vote from y'all. If you go down to the show notes, I'll have it right at the top of the show notes. You don't even have to scroll down, and the link will be there, and you only get one vote per person, although there are a lot of different other categories you can look at, but you can vote one per category, I guess is what we want to say. So give me a vote. Voting ends on October 1, so get her done, and we'll have fun with that. All right. Ryann Watkin, how exciting to have you here. And as we are talking about just this fun topic, and it kind of fits in with some of our past topics, like perseverance is part of self discipline and being able to manage changes and transitions. We've already talked about kindness, and that's a big connection to self discipline. And then next month, we're talking about bravery again. So self discipline really feeds itself into so many areas of parenting, of our lives and our kids' lives and so Ryann, let's start out with you telling us a little bit about yourself and your family and what you do.

Ryann Watkin  2:34  

Hi, DJ, thank you so much for having me on the Imperfect Heroes Podcast. I am absolutely thrilled to be with you today. So I am a mom of three. My kiddos are two, seven and nine, and they're all about to be three, eight and 10, and I'm just trying to, like, freeze their ages, because I can't believe I've got an almost 10 year old. It's wild to me. It's cliche for a reason, that it goes by really fast, because it certainly does. And so when I became a mom, almost a decade ago, I went through this sort of self discovery journey and process, and motherhood was not innately easy for me. And on the contrary, it felt really, really hard, like the hardest thing I had ever done in my life, and so, much to my dismay, had to really take a look at the way I was operating and the way I was showing up for myself and those around me, and that really led me into this, what we might call like a self awareness journey. And since then, I've decided to turn within and become more spiritually connected, become more aware of my past traumas and the things that I'm bringing to the table and how I operate. So I've been on kind of a healing journey the past decade, and that was really catalyzed by motherhood. And I'm a long time educator. I've been in higher education as well as all the way down to preschool. And so I'm fascinated with childhood development. It was actually my minor in college before I even dreamed of becoming a mother, I found it fascinating learning about the different milestones, learning the way children progress and develop at their own pace. And so I'm just fascinated by families and childhood and what makes us tick? 

DJ Stutz  4:21  

Wow.  What a great journey that you're on. It really, I think it's the journey of most parents. I won't even silo it down into women, but I think that men go through that too, as they become fathers, or at least good men and good women do. And so we really have to take the time and talking about self discipline. Self discipline actually applies to our parenting and our adulthood, and we see a lot of adults around us all over, whether it's in our neighborhood, even within our own families, at our church, at our work, whatever, who are really lacking in that self discipline executive. Functioning kind of thing that's needed, and so it's our responsibility now, as the generation of children raisers at this point to really bring them back to being able to have that self discipline that's going to change our society hugely down the road, as they get older and they are able to weigh a decision and to see if I do this, what's going to happen, or how is this going to affect my classroom, my friends, my family, the people that are around me, and as I've done my coaching and also in teaching kindergarten and some preschool, that's one of the things that I help the kids ask themselves as we are making decisions, was, what's the best thing that could happen, what's the worst thing that could happen, and then, how will this affect the people around me? And those are the three things we practice. We'd have in our little morning group, and we'd practice different scenarios to get us off during the day and to get them thinking about these important pieces that they're going to have to learn, but really looking at all of those things and then making your decision based on that. And I think we're in a society that very often does not encourage that. Yeah, I have to be me. I want to do this, but I want it. Okay, how are you going to get it? I'm going to buy it for you. 

Ryann Watkin  6:25  

Right? Especially with technology on the rise, even with songs that we play or the few shows that we watch in my house, it is looping on repeat, and it's an automatic play, and you can pull up any song you want, and most of us here listening right now in we know that that wasn't always like that. And so as technology progresses and our world gets more modernized, there's even more of that instantaneous instant gratification, right? And as with anything as we know it's how we model ourselves, how we model that to our kids, and so it starts with us. And I love the word discipline, because, as you know, it means to teach or to be a teacher. Yeah, right, so it's really relevant. I love talking about the natural consequences of our actions. If we leave a wet towel on the floor, what might happen, right? So I love that morning meeting that you had. What's the best that could happen? What's the worst? And how will this affect others? That's such a great question for us to be asking ourselves first. And then, of course, our kids

DJ Stutz  7:35  

And I think too, I talk about this all the time. This is one of my main things. Is weekly family meetings. And so you can have a chance to have some fun, have some popcorn, have whatever, play some games. As your children get a little older, you know, a toddler isn't going to be able to do it, but a kindergartner can look at what our week looks like. What do we have coming up? A four year old can do that. And so okay, we have dance lessons on this day, and grandma's coming on this day, and whatever it is, so they can see what's going on. But also, I use that time to let the kiddos practice making a decision. Practice oh, I wanted that toy, and my brother has it. How am I going to work that out? Or my sister came and wanted to use my toy, and I'm not done. I'm not ready to give it up yet. How are we going to work those things out? And if they have time to practice it, it's just like anything else, whether it's learning to ride a bike, learning to play football, learning to dance, whatever, even academics, we learn all of these things by practicing so these other skills, the self discipline skills, are no different, and I love the idea of giving them that chance to practice, asking those three questions as they're making a decision,

Ryann Watkin

Right? And one of the things I find myself often saying in our house is we're not very good problem solvers when we're angry or mad or frustrated or sad. So for us, it comes down to, how can we get calm? And then what could be a potential solution here? So that brings a little bit of the emotional regulation piece into it, which I know you talk a lot about DJ, so even just saying, Well, usually when we're angry, we're not very good at figuring out solutions. So what do we need to do before we even start the solution process? And so that'll help them remember, okay, I need to calm down if I'm going to find a solution to this problem, if I'm going to get this toy back, what's going to be the most effective way to do it, and how do I start that process? 

DJ Stutz

And in fact, I think you brought up such an important point, that sometimes when our kids are in the middle of right and they're having their whatever breakdown or whatever's going on inside of them, when there's. So riled up, you're so right. We don't make good decisions, and they're not able to really learn at that point. It's not the time to give them a lecture on why we don't have a meltdown in the middle of the grocery store. It's a time to help them work through those emotional times and give them that chance to learn how to regulate themselves through. Okay? I'm feeling really tense. I'm feeling really upset. And too, you also brought up modeling, and I think too, we need to speak about what we're going through in our head. We need to verbally bring that out so our kids can hear us. They can hear our process that we're going through. It's like, oh, I'm really frustrated right now. Okay, I just need to take a breath. If you're verbalizing that, and they're hearing that I needed to get a drink of water, maybe that will help me. And you're giving them some of those tools, and they see you using them as well. That modeling piece you brought up is so important.  

Ryann Watkin  10:59  

Right.  And I think that made me think of just this simple self love, like you mentioned getting a glass of water. Like, when our kids see mom or dad taking care of ourselves and really honoring what our needs are, have we eaten in the past few hours? Are we hydrated? Have we exercised today? Like, how are we taking steps to help ourselves feel good and just meet those really basic needs. And when they see us doing that, and I love how you mentioned the narration piece. I said to my big kids the other day, Mommy missed yoga this morning, and I was intending on going, and I just got so frustrated. And they kind of saw this like, oh gosh, okay, Mom missed a meeting, and that made her a little off, and now she's telling us that she's a little off because she's kind of been short and my patience wasn't great that day, and then another day, completely I said something like, oh gosh, I just feel so good when I get really good sleep at night and when I take a walk in the morning and see the sunshine. I feel so good. I feel really calm today. And they were like, oh yeah. And it's just these really little moments. And in parenting, we can't see the immediate payoff. We're not like, Oh, look at our kids. They're just crushing it. And it's not like that. It's like that. We hope they take all those little micro moments with them as they grow through the years and the decades, and then honor those things for themselves as they start to grow too.

DJ Stutz  12:33  

And you think your kids aren't paying attention or they're not listening. I've heard parents as I've been coaching in various situations that they would say, well, we don't argue in front of the kids. Well, where are the kids when they're arguing? Well, they're asleep. They're picking it up. Either you may think they're asleep and they're really not. I remember acting like I was asleep when my parents were arguing, and how I was so unsettled. And then also, even if they are asleep, their subconscious is picking up those vibes as well. And even if you're arguing, they're at school, they can't hear this the way you treat each other while you're in an argument. And it's normal, everybody argues, and if they say they don't, they're lying to themselves or to you. So everybody has those moments but self discipline. How do I control myself when I am upset with a spouse or with a clerk that isn't being cooperative, or some guy that just cut me off and I'm driving all of those things the kids are watching every minute. And if there's that tension between you and your spouse or an extended family member or whatever, they may not hear the words, but they pick up on the emotion and the feelings of that. And so how many times have I heard someone say, Well, I was mad, and use that as an excuse for their bad behavior, and then they get mad at their kids when their kids use it right, like, well, goose, gander. So it's really important, I think, to like you said, just find your way, find your place. That helps you that even when you're in a disagreement, you can do it firmly but kindly. We don't need to use horrible words. We don't need to insult somebody and then say, well, they were being stupid, or they were being really because is that excuse your kids get to use? 

Ryann Watkin  14:30  

Yeah.  I heard somebody say the other day, DJ, that parenting is the number one personal development program out there. And I was like, Oh my isn't that the truth? Because if we yell at this person who cut us off in traffic, traffic is a really good relevant example for me, because I live in South Florida, which is a very populated and busy area, and so if I say something like, oh, you jerk to somebody. Everybody on the road, and then our wonderful children, who are sponges, are mirroring that back to us, and we'll go, Wait, where did that word come from? And it's something that we might not even remember doing, because it can be automatic, these reactions that we have, these emotional addictions, for lack of a better word, like we can be addicted to that feeling of frustration and that resentment, like we can really get caught up in that. So it is such a beautiful again, invitation to look in the mirror. And how am I contributing to what we might be calling misbehavior in our children, or them lashing out? Like, how have I contributed to this? How am I showing them that this is how we do things in our house, and when we can shift our own behavior, when we can really have that discipline, to take a pause. You know, there's power in the pause. Take a pause. Maybe we want to say a bad word. We want to lash out at our husbands or our partners for leaving a sock on the floor, like, whatever it might be, we can take a minute, or, really, it's just like a second, like, take a beat and breathe and then make a good choice. And then our kids after time, time after time after  time will hopefully start to do that and pick up on it on their own. You know,

DJ Stutz  16:17  

Yeah, for sure. And too, I think if you want to kind of gage yourself on how I'm doing as the adult in the room, listen to your kids. See what they're doing. I mentioned this in a podcast just a couple weeks ago, but my mom, when I became a mom, my mom gave me this advice, and she said, if you want to know how you're doing as a mom, watch your kids when they play with their toys, with their dolls, with their whatever, and how they talk to their toys and their dolls or whatever, even friends. But man, is that so true. It may not be how you see yourself, but it's definitely how they see you. It's funny. I was at the grocery store, this is maybe a year ago now, and I'm waiting in one line, and there's a mom and a daughter in the line next to me, and I'm always watching kids. If there's a child that's one of my focuses, because I'm just drawn there. And so I'm watching this little girl and her mom, and there was an older lady in front of them, and she didn't have that much, but it was taking forever. Everything was an issue for her. And finally, I see this little girl. She was like, she's maybe four around there. Oh, come on, laughing. But it just, you can just hear her mother in that but it was just so cute that they pick up on even the littlest good things and negative and neutral things. You'll hear so many things that they hear from home

Ryann Watkin  17:42  

So much. And I think too, I don't know who will resonate with this. I'm sure, quite a few. But as I've aged and things have come out of my mouth, I've gone, where did that come from? Or, oh, they sound like my mother. Or it's so innate, until we choose otherwise, right? Yeah. So yeah, and gosh, I remember the first time I realized that my daughter was watching me like a hawk. This is my oldest child, and she was four months old, doing tummy time on our bed, and I was kind of in the mirror, and I was like, kind of like, putting makeup on, feeling like this new mom, like, oh, gosh, I just don't feel like myself, and just try and fake it till I make it kind of a thing and put my scare on. And let's see if that works, right, because, damn, this is hard, and I just saw her with these big right eyes just staring at me. And I had a recognition in that moment I will never forget, the way she looked at me the way I looked back at her, and I thought, she is drinking all of this in this is being downloaded to her, her being. And you talked about the energetics of the house. Energy is a thing. We have science to prove that energy is a thing now. So the way that we run our households, the way that we work, the way that we parent, the way that we are a spouse, it translates to our kids. And whether, like you said, that we're not fighting in front of them, or maybe it's not with them, they could be in another room, in another building, even at school, like your example, and still feel what's going on. They're really intricately connected to us. They come from us, and they remain connected to us. So they pick it up, all of it. 

DJ Stutz  19:27  

Yeah, they really do. And I think too, as we try to teach our kids, so there's the subliminal things that we wind up teaching, and then there's the overt things. And it's good for us to plan situations where our kids need to learn independence or learn how to manage a difficult situation, talk to an adult. I love the question, what do you want it to be, such as your relationship with your siblings, what do you want it to be? And then, what are you willing to do to get it there? So I have seen siblings that are so close and they play, and it's not like they get along all the time. That would be abnormal, but how do they manage even through those hard times? What are the kindnesses that they show to one another and then have those conversations with them? My sister wah wah  in there. What would you like your relationship to be with your sister, your brother? And sometimes it might be, I want him to drop dead, but talk to them and let them see it doesn't have to be this way. I've seen situations where and I'm an oldest and I became somehow, I don't know how that happened, probably my mom, but very aware of my responsibility with these younger siblings, and my mom had her own mental health issues, bipolar, so when she was in the downs and wasn't, it became my responsibility to make sure that everyone was feeling loved. And that did become my responsibility, not that I asked for it. It just is. And I'll talk to other kids who are oldest, that do you have more responsibility than you ask for but it's just the way it is. So what are you going to do with it? What are you going to do with it and asking them those kinds of questions where they've got to ponder and think through, yeah, this stinks. So what are you going to do? I'd love to hear some things are hard, or they come home from school and Joey's a bully. To me, chances are your child isn’t perfect either. And as a teacher, I can tell you, I had parents who would come and say, I don't want my child sitting by Joey. He's just a bull. He comes home, he's complaining all the time. Like your kid and Joey are best friends. They're always working to get together. I'll try to separate them, and they'll find a way to be together. They're always together on the playground. Or sometimes my child's always getting hit, and I'm thinking, your kid hits more than any other child in the class. So you want to have full information, right? And you don't want to slough it off, but you want to ask questions like, Wow, I wonder why that's happening. What are you going to do about it? Then they have power. 

Ryann Watkin  22:15  

Yes, that's right. It reminds me of, you know, I think as a society, we have a lot of people walking around in kind of a victim mindset, and a lot of it is just unconscious. And I witness different sibling dynamics in my kids, and I noticed that one is really comfortable playing the quote, unquote victim, and one is really comfortable playing kind of the aggressor, but if you look between the lines, that's not all that's happening. So on the surface, it looks like that, but there are other things that are really, really subtle. There are so many nuances of the way that each of them are contributing to this role that they're playing and this conflict that they might be having, right? It's so funny. I was talking to my sister in law yesterday, and I was like, how did you and your siblings, one of whom is my husband, How did those turn out so great? You guys have such great work ethics, and you this, and you that. And she goes, Well, my mom never put us on a pedestal. If we came home from school and we said, I got in a fight with so and so. She said, What part did you play in it? Because she essentially was saying, I don't think my kid's perfect, and I would never say my kid would never do that, because everybody is playing a part. I thought that was hilarious. I was like, wow, so there's something to that of not coddling and not bubble wrapping our kids and conflict is okay. This is another thing I say in my house, right? It's okay to disagree. It's not okay to hurt somebody. It's okay to not agree. It's okay to have a conflict. We gotta figure it out. We're not gonna punch each other to figure it out, but it's okay. You can disagree with people, and you will be disagreeing with them your whole entire life. And so this is just like the practice round, so you get to be an adult when you really need to deal with things proactively and respectfully. 

DJ Stutz  24:12  

So right.  And you brought up something that's like, one of my favorite things. I always felt like myself included any parent who says, My child would never, I don't care how you finish that sentence, you're delusional. It's like, given the right circumstances, any child would and so my child would never hit. Yeah, your child hits. My child would never be a bully. Well, of all the bullying that's going on in the world, everyone's complained about people being bullied, being bullied, right? Have you ever looked at your child and said, Where's my child able to be the bully? It's possible, or when you have to talk to a parent at a school or whatever, and your child has been a bully on the playground or in the classroom, and they come up with excuses as to why, instead of, let's listen in, let's talk about it, and then see where are the boundaries we need to uphold better. And maybe they were just getting tired of another kid pushing buttons, pushing buttons, pushing buttons. Yeah, with kids that are difficult. I don't know that most of them, vast majority of them, don't even realize they're doing it, but I've seen it happen, and because that's kind of where I work and where my head is and evaluating those kinds of things, but at the same time, we need to give our kids the vision and the understanding of, yeah, this kid's pushing my buttons all the time. What are you going to do about it? Yeah, how are you going to handle that? And there's a ton of ways that you can do that, but I love that you said my child would never because I always had to laugh as a teacher.

Ryann Watkin  25:53  

Because I'm sure those are the kids maybe that are getting in the most trouble. And I wonder if this is just me kind of pondering. I think so often we don't acknowledge the things that our kids are saying and the feelings that they're having. So something to the effect of, like, you said, like, I wish my sibling or this bully at school would drop dead. Like, instead of going, No, no, don't say that. You go, you. You're really having a hard time with this kid. Wow, you. That's big. You just said that. So not like brushing these things under the rug, just acknowledging what our kids are saying. We don't have to agree with them. We can hold space. I think that holding space and not letting it affect our feeling of center, right? We can sit there. We can be the adult. We can be calm, compassionate and kind as we listen to somebody vent about how bed up they are with their sibling, or this kid at school, or whoever it might be, because that's a thing, right? We do rub up against each other as humans like that's that's the whole thing. We're here to learn from each other, and it's not always pretty and it's not always graceful, but I think being able to acknowledge that in children and hold space for that is such a big step.

DJ Stutz  27:09  

Such a huge part of gaining that self discipline is telling yourself, I'm going to let them talk until they've worn themselves out, I'm not going to argue with them about this, and then when they've calmed down, I can say this is kind of what I heard, and that might set them off again. Okay, let them talk until they're done, and then sac. It's really interesting. So I've started this was a surprise to me, so I've started working two days a week at one of our local elementaries, just working with some special needs kids and kind of the high flyers. And it's interesting to me that when I was talking to them about the parents of some of these kids, oh, we know where he gets it or she gets it, and the parent just flies off the handle and whatever. Well, in teaching in the inner city schools, where I spent the vast majority of my educating time, I found that when people behave in that way, it's because they feel like they have to do that in order to be listened to. Yes, I am trying to get you to listen to me. And so when you sit back and you let them go, let them run off, and people get well, they used a bad word. They're dropping that bomb or whatever. I am not a cursor. I gave that up many years ago, and it took many years to do it so they can't use that word. It's like, Well, okay, you can get all caught up in the Word, or you can listen to what they're saying. And once they feel like I can trust this person to listen to me, everything starts coming down. Everything starts coming down. And so it's another skill. Man. Talk about self discipline, though, yeah, when they're saying stuff that's either personal, politics will do this, religion will do this, all this stuff and so, but yet, that's how we get to know someone the best. If I know your politics and I know your religious beliefs. I know what motivates you in your decisions, in what's going on. And so now we're like, Well, don't get to know that part about them, then how do I know why they're doing the things they're doing? How can I respect them for what they're trying to accomplish? And so if we can give that to our kids to teach them, just don't argue. Just let them go, and you can either just walk away, or you can listen and let them go and then start asking them questions. And if they can get that skill early on, man, what a change in their life that's going to bring. 

Ryann Watkin  29:37  

That's right. That's right. We, I learned how to listen just by baptism by fire through one of my education jobs, and I was an admissions counselor, and people would come in looking for these career changes and these different programs, and oftentimes they would just want to talk and talk and talk and tell me about their experience. Experience and all the things, and I really needed to be so present with them, in listening to them, so I could really understand what was motivating them. Why do you want to come to college? Why is this? Many of them were adult learners, and so, why is this your next move? And so I would sit there, and I don't recommend this to anyone, but I would bite my side of my cheek, and just so I would like, you know, refrain from needing to say anything and letting this person stand in their truth without it meaning anything about how I feel or what I believe or what I think is right, and so we can translate that to our kids and for our kids and listen as adults, if we could do that. I mean, think about it right now, as this is airing, we're in the thick of this, like election season, and our country is divided. It seems like 5050, right? And so if we could truly listen to someone without needing them to be wrong, yeah, and just respect that they have certain beliefs, different worldviews, different motivators, different life experiences, and let that be okay without that meaning that they are. Insert expletive here, right? It doesn't have to mean anything. We can still stand in our truth of who we are without needing to change somebody else's truth. I mean, this could be the biggest and greatest skill of all time. And my hope and my vision is that these kids who are coming up now into the next generation of future leaders, that they will have these skills. Because I think more people are talking about this. More people are understanding that kids are learning not just at school. They're learning at home. They're learning more from home, probably than any other environment. And so I think more parents are waking up to there's a different way. I can be present. I can be compassionate. I don't have to put the hammer down, because I'm the big person, and this is the little person, and I need to show them who's boss, right? We're entering a different paradigm, I think. And so my vision for the future is that we will have a happier society. And who doesn't want that, right?

DJ Stutz  32:20  

Yeah, there was a song, oh gosh. I mean, I was in high school, so pterodactyls were flying in the air, and all this was going on. But there was a song about The Hand That Rocks the Cradle, and it was just about how the power of a parent, and that in this song, I think, was more about mom, but the power that's there to change the world, to make society and our whole experience on this earth better. And there's so much power in us as parents. If we're frustrated with the way of the world, we can do something about it. It's just not going to change the world tomorrow, but we're setting it for down the road, for having a better society, kinder society, a society that cares about one another. And we don't need people to mandate that we do this or that, but it's our nature to look at these issues and find a way to solve them without people telling us you have to do it this way or that way. So I love it. Okay. I wish we had more time. But So Ryan, tell us more about how our followers can get in touch with you and what they can look for from you.

Ryann Watkin 33:34  

Yes, absolutely. So I am the host of the raising wild hearts podcast, and I believe that we can change the world by starting at home, just like you said, DJ, and so that is my mission. I'm just spreading out the small ripple effect, and I really delve into this intersection of motherhood, spirituality and psychology, so where those all inevitably kind of meet in the middle. That's my passion, and I love having really impactful and deep conversations just like this one. I think it's so important for us as parents and just as humans period to be filling ourselves with inspiring material, filling ourselves with material that will help us take integrated and inspired action in our daily lives, even if we just change one tiny thing. So yes, that is my podcast. You can find me on Apple podcasts and Spotify, and then all the other ones too. And then I'm not on Instagram too much these days, but I did just post that story about my baby looking at me when I was four months old. And so that's the most recent post on there. And as I get into a little bit more of a groove with the new school schedule and all of that, I'll be on there more, so go check me out there.

DJ Stutz  34:46  

Hooray, yes. And you mentioned this before, and I kind of wanted to bring it in that spirituality component that's there, and I know in December, we're talking about spirituality on our. Podcast, but I do believe that that is a key, and I don't however you find that spirituality and find that relationship with God, and find your way to make it work for you and your family, but I'm so glad that you're bringing that in as part of the equation, because it is a key part of the equation. 

Ryann Watkin  35:19  

Yes,  I think to have faith and trust in something bigger than ourselves that's also within ourselves that we can stay connected to and kind of tethered to, is this hope for the future. And at the end of the day, regardless of the religion or the spiritual beliefs that anybody subscribes to, I think it's capital l love, if you distill all the beautiful spiritual works in the world and religious works, it all comes down to love. And so there's 86,000 seconds in the day, I think. And so we have 86,000 times in the day when we can come back to love and come back to love and come back to love. And it's as simple as that, and it's just a habit like anything else. And so you know, the greatest self discipline come back to love, 86,000 times a day, even in your sleep. 

DJ Stutz  36:12  

Yeah, absolutely, the two great commandments. And if you follow those two, everything else falls into place. If you face it, I love what you're doing. Thank you so much. So before we go though, I always ask my guests the same question, and that is how you know we know that there's no perfect parents and but how would you describe a successful parent?

Ryann Watkin  36:36  

To me, it all distills down to presence, presence in the diapers up to your neck, presence in the blowout, presence in the sibling arguments, presence and the exhaustion and the exasperation and the worry and when we're able to just be rooted where we are and not need to change anything or make anything different, and just really be in this experience of parenting. That, to me, is success, just like being here for the ride, because it is a ride, and there are ebbs and there are flows, and it can feel like agony and it can feel like bliss. And when we allow ourselves to be here for all of it. I think that's what success is.

DJ Stutz  37:26  

Absolutely Oh, I love it. I love it. Thank you so much, Ryann. It's so wonderful having the chance to talk with you and to engage with you on such a great topic. And I love the way we brought self discipline around to all these other pieces, it's just so great. So thank you so very much. And everyone remember to vote for me at the link down below, and you can always catch me on Facebook and Instagram and Imperfect Heroes Podcast. And until next week, let's find joy in parenting. 

See you guys, thank you so much for sticking around to the end of today's episode of imperfect heroes. Parenting is truly one of the most rewarding journeys we can take. But let's face it, it can be incredibly challenging, and sometimes we make it harder on ourselves than it needs to be. The good news is that with a little bit of work up front, there are practical steps you can take to bring more peace and joy into your family life. I am passionate to share these strategies and insights with you. If you're ready to step on the path to joyful, effective parenting, I invite you to schedule a family checkup. Just click on the calendar link in the show notes below, schedule a time that works perfectly for you, and let's work together to create a more harmonious and happy environment. And remember every small step that you take today makes a big difference. So thank you again for joining us, and until next time, let's find joy in parenting. 

Transcribed by https://otter.ai