Imperfect Heroes: Insights Into Parenting
Imperfect Heroes: Insights Into Parenting
Episode 180: Navigating Spiritual Differences While Raising Young Children with Kristina and Herb Heagh-Avritt
In this episode, DJ Stutz chats with Kristina and Herb Heagh-Avritt, married for 33 years, about raising two boys while blending differing spiritual beliefs. Tune in as they share how they honored unique perspectives and built a unified foundation for their family.
As founders of Vibrant Family Education, Kristina and Herb discuss empowering parents through homeschooling, integrating life skills, traditions, and spirituality. Stay tuned while they offer practical tips on setting boundaries, communicating values, and fostering emotional and spiritual growth.
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DJ Stutz 0:14
You're listening to Imperfect Heroes: Insights into parenting, the perfect podcast for imperfect parents looking to find joy in their experience of raising children in an imperfect world, and I'm your host, DJ Stutz.
Hey everyone. Thank you so much for choosing to spend the next few minutes with us here at Imperfect Heroes: Insights into Parenting. And today, we have such a wonderful topic. We're in this wonderful holiday season, and we Thought this month we wanted to focus on spirituality in the home, and what does that mean to us as parents? What does that mean to us as a family, to our children, to our grandchildren, quite honestly, and how spirituality will mean different things to different families, and in fact, different people within the family will have a different attitude towards spirituality. How do we make all of that come together, and how do we make that benefit for our kids? So before we get started, though, with our amazing guests, Kristina and Herb Heagh-Avritt, I just wanted to remind everyone of two things. Number one, this book, Roman is Bigger, is definitely a great Christmas present. It's about a little boy who has very big feelings and is trying to find the right vocabulary to express. Because being mad is different than being frustrated or being angry, and so he's learning about the differences between these words and how that applies to him and his feelings. It's a fun little book, great Christmas present. All right, so let's get going on this amazing topic that we have. And so Kristina and Herb, first off, just talk to us a little bit about you and your family, what you do, what you provide to people.
Kristina Haigh-Avritt 2:16
Thank you so much, DJ for having us. And so we're so glad to be here. So a little bit about us and our family, Herb and I have been married for almost 33 years. We'll be 33 years in October, so we have a pretty good track record there. As a couple, we have raised two boys. So our boys are both grown in adult age, old, adult age, right? Yeah, they're not young anymore, but yeah. So we just have had that whole experience of raising two boys in our society, in our culture, in our world, and those challenges that came with it. And then between the two of us, you were talking spirituality, we actually both came into our marriage with different spirituality. I'm sure we'll get into that. But then beside that, we've now taken that passion of Herb’s, entrepreneur experience, my teaching experience of 27 years, and now we're helping families become vibrant families. We really want those families to take charge of their child's education, make sure that they are building a family that is connected and whole. And then we also look at the whole child. We don't want just academics. We want life skills. We want everything, so that whole child, so our experience as a family has brought us into our new journey of our vibrant family.
DJ Stutz 3:27
And I love that part of your story that you came in with different attitudes and beliefs and understanding. And so how did you manage that? Tell us a little bit about your early years of being married, and then how you decided what you were going to do with the boys as they came in.
Herb Heagh-Avritt 3:44
Sure when we got together, she was Catholic,
Kristina Haigh-Avritt 3:47
and I am Catholic.
Herb Heagh-Avritt
She is Catholic. When we got together, she was Catholic, and she still is. And I had kind of moved away from the Church for lots of weird, different reasons, but I never moved away from God, because I see God all the time in life, in whatever I'm doing. So I have a different kind of connection. And I had, I had superpowers. So I was able to see things, know things, do things, understand things. And so the more strict Christian model didn't necessarily fit with me. I kind of had high standards, and I didn't see a lot of people meeting that. And so I came at it from a different way. But when we got together, when we got married, part of the Catholic Church is if you're marrying somebody who's not in the church, you have to go through this couple's counseling. And we did that, and I knew how much this meant to her, and so basically, I agreed to let her raise the children Catholic, because they would also see me and how I lived and how I did things. But this was really, really important to her. And. So we went with that. And so, yeah, she raised him Catholic. She took them to church. I made them go to church with her. And as they got older, it's like we talked about why I didn't, and we let them basically, kind of make their own decisions. Because one of the things that I saw is people who forced their children to go to church, and then when the children did have an opportunity to leave the nest, they also usually left the church and went away. So we kind of gave the children a choice later. And so it wasn't like you have to do this, it was, this is why you want to do this.
And part of it also was our commitment to each other, because we had come into the marriage, into the relationship, going, we're going to stick together raising the boys. So if you lay down a rule or something, then the other one is pretty much going to back it up, unless there's something crazy. But yeah, I mean, it was also that commitment between us, that spiritual, loving commitment between us as a married couple that we were going to do what we thought was best for the boys.
DJ Stutz 6:01
I love too, one of the things that I think is key and what I really love. And it doesn't happen often with me, but once in a while, I'll get a couple that will come in for some coaching, that they are married. I haven't had any non-marriages yet, but they're either pregnant or they're thinking about starting their family, and they're wanting to understand how to make those baseline decisions. And so I love that you guys had that conversation even before you got married, but that you understood what the role of the church was going to be or not the church of faith was going to be, and you were able to move forward with that in an agreement that is so key. I've seen families fall apart over faith questions. And it's like, I don't think that's what God had in mind.
Kristina Haigh-Avritt 6:53
I believe one of the commandments is to be faithful. So, yeah, he's he's not thinking we should be falling apart.
DJ Stutz 6:59
No he is not. And so I love that you guys really sat down and thought about that, and that's one of the things that I would really encourage anybody who's listening who doesn't have kids, although I don't think I have very many listeners that don't, but if you happen to before you do that, it's really a great idea to come together and say, what are the things that are really, really important to you? And then how are we going to make that work as our family grows? I think that's amazing. One of the first things that I do when I have coaching and I start coaching a new family week one, their homework assignment is always talk with each other about what your values are, and then write them down. And then the next week, when we come back together, we're going to talk about, were there anything that's different, things that are the same? How would you make those work in your family? So how did you then come to terms about which values were going to be the foundation, the cornerstone of your family as you were raising them.
Herb Heagh-Avritt 8:04
Well, I think that we actually got there naturally. And I'm going to kind of go into a little psychology here. So in the MBTI, the Meyer Briggs Type Index, we are both INFJs, and so the fact that we found each other is actually pretty incredible. And then INFJ is an introverted, intuitive personality type, and we have a deeper connection to an underlying source, as you will. So our commitments that we make are huge, and the way we interact with people. So our underlying moral, ethical structure is a lot more complete. It's not so variable. Would be a good way to put it. Okay, loyalty
Kristina Haigh-Avritt 8:49
Okay, loyalty is huge. Once you've made that connection with us, we are super loyal. You have to do a lot to be able to break that loyalty, right? And so that was something that came through with the two of us very, very quickly.
Herb Heagh-Avritt 9:01
Yeah, and it's difficult for me to understand a lot of other personality types, even though it's part of what I do is understand them. But the reason I try and understand is I go into curiosity, because a lot of what they do doesn't make sense from from like, a core standpoint, is like, if once you know God and you can't not know that anymore, and you understand some of these underlying principles of how the universe works, then it's like, you don't do that stuff. You just, you just don't. And so we both come from that kind of a place, so we have a connection that is like, Oh yeah, you just don't do that.
Kristina Haigh-Avritt 9:43
So honesty, integrity, all of those things were very important to both of us. So like he said, We just kind of naturally built that into our family life as well. That loyalty was part of it as well, not only faith wise, but family wise. And then one of the things that Herb said he wasn't super religious, as far as, like, Christianity, or, you know, an actual religion, but he knew and the two values that you talked about, the two first commandments, you'll love God and love your neighbor.
Herb Heagh-Avritt 10:12
Okay, so those aren't commandments, no. So, so yeah, I'm gonna go a little Bible verse here, because the Pharisees were trying to trip up Jesus, because if he said one of the commandments was more important than the other, then they could have got him on heresy and condemned Him. So when they were asking which of the 10 Commandments is the most important, he responded with, they're all important. But the core of it is you love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your mind, all your soul, all your body. And then you love your neighbor as yourself. And if you do all of these things, then the 10 Commandments are are pretty much all fall into place, and you will find that so that was more of my core teachings. That was where I kind of led from. A loving God is like knowing and seeing and just being in awe of God and then seeing every person as a child of God. And then if you're dealing with God on that level, with every person, well, if you lie to somebody, well, then you're lying to God. And then at the end of times, it's like, you know that God knows that, so you don't do that, because it's like you want to have that person. You want to have that little being of God, have the best experience of you as they possibly can. And so I came at life that way from a very early age. It just worked well. So when we fit together and came together, it just made a lot of sense. And I can work within the Christian communities. I have that language. But somebody, I heard this phrase once. It's like, the greatest proponent of atheism is bad religious people. And so I also the way I looked at things. It's like the Roman Catholic Church has done more awful things throughout history than any organization like ever. They've destroyed civilizations. They've killed massive amounts of people, so the bad religious people took me away from the religion, but I never lost my connection to God. And so yeah, so those values came through, and then later in life, a lot of that softened is, is because it wasn't the religion, it was bad people within the religion, right?
DJ Stutz 12:21
And that's an amazing thing too. I think I had an experience growing up in my faith as well, where I had to come to terms with, am I here because of people, or am I here because of faith? And I was fortunate enough, or, I mean, it wasn't fun when I was all going through, but yet, I was fortunate to have that experience in my late teens, actually, to have to sit down and really look at this and say, What am I here for? And then moving forward with that. And so ever since then, yeah, people can be turds, you know, and and that.
Herb Heagh-Avritt 12:59
But that's, that's actually one of the 10 Commandments that people actually misinterpret. Like, no, don't take the Lord's name in vain. Most people think of that as swearing. You don't curse, you don't swear. But taking the Lord's name as in vain is someone doing something as like, Hey, I have the authority of God. This is what God wants, and then trying to impose that on other people. So, so that that bad religious people is taking the Lord's name in vain. Oh, I'm doing this because God wants me to, or because I think that God wants that. So that is taking the Lord's name in vain. It's taking the authority of God and imposing your will, not God's, on other people. And so that's the commandment. That's probably one of the ones that's mistaken a lot.
DJ Stutz 13:47
That's a great outlook, too. That's a great perspective to look at that one. And so to me, it kind of goes back to people, whether they're in a war or whatever's going on, God is on our side, right? And that's never been an issue for me. My big concern is, Am I on God's side, right? And that's the only thing that matters, and so whatever, wherever that takes it. And then two, because we talk about even that bearing false witness, but are we able to accept the truth when it comes to us as well? So we joke around with if your wife says, Do these pants make me look fat or whatever? And they're like, don't touch that. Yeah. But for me too, I wanted an honest answer. Walking around in some clothes that make me look fat, you know, don't look good on me. Tell me if it doesn't look good, because I'd rather not wear that then. But so it's being able to think to even accept truth when it comes that's part of that fall false witness thing. And so now, how do we then we've got these little amazing gifts that are in our lives. And so how then do we start to teach these important principles to them as they're growing?
Kristina Haigh-Avritt 15:06
So that one, I think you know, it's, it's being that role model, really living up to what you're saying, what your values are. If your value is honesty and integrity, are you living that every single day in your life? Are you showing it in your discussions, in your business, in your whatever you're doing, right? And then, coming from my teaching background, I know it's super important to actually verbalize that stuff out loud as you're doing it, especially when they're younger, because they're not mind readers, right? But if you're saying, Oh yeah, I'm going to do this today, because it kind of lines up with A, B or C, right lines up with, oh, you know, I had this really tough conversation with this parent as a teacher, and I had to tell them some things that was super comfortable for them, but because I'm an honest person and I want the best for their child, I'm going to be honest about it. Having those kinds of role model actions, and then those conversations really help instill those values the best. But then I think something that we actually failed to do, which I really wish we would have now, would be to have family meetings, family gatherings, where you talk. That's one of my key things, right? How things are going with the value, you know, looking at the values, and not that the values change per se, but the focus as the children grow probably change a little bit, so you still have your core values, but early on, you really want to get the honesty value in there. Later you want to maybe get compassion value in there, so they don't change, but they kind of morph and grow with the kids.
Herb Heagh-Avritt 16:36
Yeah, we really messed up. One of these is so we modeled it very well, but we didn't talk about it very well. There was something that we missed in the communication, in the talking and so that's part of why we do what we do, is so that we can help other people fill in those little gaps. It's like, oh, this is what's going on. Well, hey, this here's an issue that can develop into something much bigger down the road. So let's start implementing some tools to fix that now. And we completely missed that. Everybody thought we had things going really well, and then it just blew up.
DJ Stutz 17:12
Yeah, yeah. So, well, I think too, though there's, there's a couple of pieces that come into that. Is that we are all imperfect. Man, did I make my share of mistakes, right? And so let's just make that commitment to say, here's where I am, and let's be honest about it. Let's take an honest look at where I am, where my spouse is, where my children are, and then think about what's the next step? Just what's the next step that we can take together, and then too, another piece of that is free agency, the right to choose comes into it. So, you know, are all of my adult kids doing just the exact right thing that I think they should be doing? Absolutely not, but it's their choice, if that's their life to live, and I had to stop and think about how my own mom, bless her heart, okay, good intentions, but was super interfering and telling me I needed to do this with my kids and that with my kids, and my heart was, first off, I didn't like when you did it with me. My heart's telling me that's not right, and so I didn't want her to try and rule my life as an adult, I can't do that. Then to my kids, I give advice. And so when they're adults, they do have that right to choose and the ability to choose, and in the words of Knight Templar and the Indiana Jones movie, sometimes they choose poorly, but we still love them. We pray for them, our hearts, our minds, our doors are always open, but once again, that might be something that they have to come through. So the hope is that when we are raising them, we're doing everything right. Guarantee when they become adults, they'll be glad to tell you what you didn't do right.
Kristina Haigh-Avritt 19:01
Yep, that's the imperfect part, because, yeah, we can try our best, yeah.
DJ Stutz 19:05
Well, and too. So this whole year, we've taken one theme and moved with it throughout the month. So a theme for a month, and really, if you go back and you look at my things, they're the gifts of the Spirit, and added a couple more, because there's not 12, but they're the gifts of the Spirit. And that was my whole focus for imperfect heroes this year, was bringing those elements in and helping families understand whether you go to church or not, whether you believe in God or not. There are still basic premises that make life better, that we can value others and be valued, and all of those things, if we can teach these basic skills to our kids,
Herb Heagh-Avritt 19:53
That's another part of the Bible that's pretty misinterpreted as well. So I watched this series with Jordan Peterson, where he was talking. With a lot of his peers. Okay, again, I'm gonna bring it, yeah, and I like Jordan. He was on a panel, and they were talking about the book of Exodus, and he had a couple of Jews on there. He had a couple of Christian scholars. He had a couple of authors who talked about the literacy of it. And one of the things they talked about in that, was spare the rod, spoil the child. Okay. Now most people think that means beat your children or hit your children, but that is not what that what it says, because when they're talking about the rod, they were talking about the rod of Moses, and that was a symbol of tradition. So if you spare your children from tradition, if you don't give them the traditions and the law and teach them the proper way, then your children will spoil later in life. So we were talking about the spirituality and how we brought that in so bearing the rod, sparing the tradition, not informing your children of the tradition, of the laws of God, of why they're doing these things, then they move away, and they start to rock from the inside because they don't have that core values. So that's why we're talking about core values. And what we're doing right now is you need to talk to your children about this. Some of these discussions are hard, but you can't spare not telling them. You have to tell them about your traditions. You have to tell them about your whys. You have to get into the laws of the family and explain why that is so important. Yeah, or the children will spoil. Not like they will be spoiled and, ah, but, but it's like fruit spoiling. They will start to rot internally. And again, that's, that's a harsh way of saying these things, but you can kind of see that in our society, because as Christianity, I was gonna say, has come under attack. That's one of the few things that people can actually mock and make fun of anymore as Christian people. And it's even happening on the news. People like, oh, I don't want to do that. And they move away from that rod. They move away from that tradition. And then we have people who don't know what it is to be a boy anymore or a girl anymore, and they move away from being human. And they get farther and farther into falling into the traps of society, instead of having a strong foundation in who they are and what they are in their family, in their roles in the family and in their traditions of God,
DJ Stutz 22:24
Yeah, in my understanding and my experience. So you're right, that rod represented Moses and his connection with God, we connected that with kind of was a nice ride. But, you know, the iron rod, or the rod, is the word of God, and so sharing that one of the things that we did was we read scriptures with our kids. We went through I mean, I don't know how many times we went through it, and some nights it was just one verse. That's all we can do. But after my kids were in their teens and they weren't little little guys anymore, I ran into this family that they had a tradition of reading that was kind of their nighttime story, was they would read a little bit out of the Bible. So the little kids, so they'd get fidgety, and remember, they wound up going and buying very inexpensive like paperback version of the Bible for the kids, gave them crayons, and the kids drew in on the page that they were talking about and so and then I said they would draw better pictures, and they would be applicable to what they were hearing and what they were learning. And I thought great idea that was, I missed out on that one, but I thought that was a fabulous idea,
Kristina Haigh-Avritt 23:40
Yeah, then that's actually really amazing, because in two different situations, we've talked about recently with different people, we've been interviewing and stuff, one person said that, yeah, whenever a child like is in the classroom and they can't focus, right, the teachers get upset because they're doodling and drawing. But for some children, that's how they connect. If they can draw, their brain can focus on the words that are being said. And then we have another gentleman that we talked to. He created story, fairy tales, right? And with those fairy tales, he has a cover, and he has the words inside, but then he has a blank page on every page. So the children, that's Timothy Stutz, that is Timothy, yeah, yeah.
DJ Stutz 24:19
He's been on our podcast.
Kristina Haigh-Avritt 24:21
Oh, okay, got it. Yeah. Love him, yeah. And so those kinds of things with families, as you're thinking about education and you're thinking about focusing, sometimes that drawing and doodling is actually their focus mechanism.
DJ Stutz 24:32
Yeah, absolutely. And I know as a teacher, so, you know, I taught kindergarten for most of it. There were a few years that I was the director of several preschools for the school district, the school district, but mostly kindergarten. And you would see little kids that they struggled with sitting still. And if you say you have to sit still, and their little bodies are whatever, all they can do is concentrate on I can't touch my friend. I can't move my arm. I can't. Was, and they're not hearing what you're trying to teach them, right? So I would find, and for some kids, it was drawing. And so I would have kids that maybe, if I was, it was reading circle time, and we're reading the story, I'd have a picture that related to the story. Let them go sit at the table, and they could draw well. And the funny thing was, when they had to sit, they could never answer any of the questions about what we were talking about, what we're doing. And yet, when they had a picture to do, or some kids, it was a fidget. Some kids it was alternative seating, you just have to pick up on what it is. But then when they were able to do that part that fit them, they can answer every question about what we were talking about. In fact, I even did that in church with my son. So my youngest son, Christian, off the charts ADHD, like we're just glad we're all alive. But he would sit in church and he'd fidget and he'd be whatever, and he could never tell us what was going on. This will tell you how long ago, it was in the day of the Blackberry. They had those very rudimentary little games that were on the Blackberry. And I've given my Blackberry and he'd play Pong or whatever it was. And I had people in church come up to me and say, That was disrespectful. Why am I allowing him to do that right? And first off, it's like y'all take care of yourself. But on the other hand, too, it was like, if I give this to him, he can tell me everything that was in the sermon. He can tell me if he doesn't have it and he's just having to concentrate on, having to sit still and not move. He couldn't tell me anything that was going on. Yeah, and so being open to how our children experience faith? How do they experience God? How do they experience us coming together to read the scriptures together or to pray together? We did that every night and in the morning, before they edit off to school. And so what is their experience? And then let's help feed that into how they learn. So it works in school, and it works in church and it works in our home, right?
Kristina Haigh-Avritt 27:06
Absolutely. And that's it. Take your beliefs, your spirituality, your religion, make sure that you're following, of course, the precepts of whatever you're following, but at the same time, make sure it fits your family and helps your children understand. Don't just impose it on them. Help them understand it.
Herb Heagh-Avritt 27:23
Yeah, I would sit in the back of the classroom and read books, and the teachers would get mad that I was reading a book, so they would call on me and ask me questions, trying to embarrass me, and I would answer all of their questions, sometimes more thoroughly than the people who were sitting there doing everything right. And basically I kind of scared most of my teachers, so they usually just left me alone and left me in the back of the classroom, because I was that smart kid that if I sat there and paid attention, it's like I did. I didn't do well at all, like taking dictation. I couldn't write very well. That was awful for me. But when they would just start teaching about stuff, and I would sit in the back and I would hear what they were saying while I was reading my own book. Then, yeah, I got whatever I needed.
DJ Stutz 28:05
Right, and you did well with that. And so I think helping our children succeed in church, it's funny. It's my oldest daughter. She doesn't, she's not a real churchy kiddo, but it was funny because she said, You always made us go to church. I was like, well, we always just went to church and she goes well. I didn't always want to go. She never said a word to me. You never told me that she goes well, because I knew that's what we do,
Kristina Haigh-Avritt 28:30
Exactly, right.
DJ Stutz 28:31
Okay, if it was that big a problem, I'm sure you would have said something to me. But she was not a shy child. Let me just tell you that. But she never pushed that boundary. That was a boundary she never did push. And so now it's not her back, it's not her cup of tea, and she's raising her own family, but that was part of us, and actually, I took that kind of as a compliment with all the things she pushed me on. Yeah, right, she was one of those teenagers, and, I mean, and she didn't get into big trouble in school or anything. It wasn't, you know, just silly things, but that was the one thing that she never pushed me on. And she could have, and I'd have had to respond to it, and we'd have to figure something out, and what are we going to do with this? But she said, I always knew that was just what we do.
Herb Heagh-Avritt 29:23
That actually is kind of funny, because in that thing that I was talking about with Jordan Peterson, um, Dennis Prager was one of the people on that, in that panel. And Dennis Prager says when he was in school and in his Jewish school one time, and it was time to pray, like, told his teachers, like, I don't want to pray. And the teacher basically said, yeah, so it's time to pray. This is how we do things. This is the rod. So it doesn't matter what you want when it comes to God, it's what God wants from you. And that was such an interesting way to look at that as well. And now that's the way his children. In our race, it's like, no, this is how we do things. This is the rod, this is the tradition, and this is how we maintain the society that they have.
DJ Stutz 30:10
And I think too, even when we would do morning prayers or evening prayers with our kids and mom, yeah, get over here, you know. But they never pushed it I refuse, which they could have done. They could have done that and be like, I'm busy. We're running late. Okay, well, we better do a quick one then, because I don't want to leave without God's grace on us. But they'd never pushed hard. It was just like, okay, you know, whoop over. And so I think that there's something in that, as we, you talked earlier about setting the example and having those traditions that are so important to you, and I think that's all part of it. It's really important. So what, we're coming up on time? I could talk about this forever and ever. We love this conversation. Christina and her, why don't you just share with our followers how to get in touch with you, how to learn more about you and what you've got.
Kristina Haigh-Avritt 31:09
Thank you so much. DJ, yes, exactly so Vibrant Family Education is the name of our company, and VibrantFamilyEducation.com is how you get a hold of us. Just go right through the website, same exact name, vibrant family education, and right there, you can book with us to talk with us some more. You can see some of our programs. You can find out about our podcast. You can find out about all the things Vibrant Family.
Herb Heagh-Avritt 31:33
And really, what we, what we're really trying to do is help people get their families back through education. So we really think that the education system is broken right now. We really encourage parents who can to start homeschooling their children. There's a lot of myths around homeschooling, like you don't have enough time, you're not smart enough to be the teacher, wasn't good in school. You know, if you weren't good in school, then why do you think your children will be it's not you, it's the school system. So there are so many myths, but people need to start taking their children out of school, because until the school system feels the impact of what they're doing wrong, then they will never change it. And in the meantime, your children are being left behind, and it takes so much less time and effort than people think it does, and it brings the family back together, because instead of the school trying to push their values, their propaganda, their anti religious stuff, on the children, because they're taking religion out of schools like mad right now, then you can have your family values as part of your education. You can use your family values and create your lesson plans that they're still learning, but they're also learning about values. They're learning about traditions, they're learning about important things and how to keep the family together. And it's not just about the ABCs, it's about the whole child, like she talked about earlier.
Kristina Haigh-Avritt 32:59
And so I take my 27 years of experience and help families do that, because a lot of them are afraid, oh, I'm going to do it wrong or I'm going to miss something, and I'm here to help you get through that. Support that.
Herb Heagh-Avritt 33:11
Yeah, so we help people get started. We support them through it. We let them know that they can do it. We encourage them, and they become great homeschool parents. And so that's...
DJ Stutz 33:20
And there's so many resources that are out there to help. I mean, you're really not left alone to try and figure it out. There's so much that's out there and available.
Kristina Heagh-Avritt 33:30
And sometimes there's so much it's overwhelming, and we help them narrow it down to what's important for their family. So very individualized.
DJ Stutz 33:38
Yeah, you're so right. And here's DJ attitude is that whether you're homeschooling or whether your kids are going to public, private charter, wherever, bottom line is, you, Mom and Dad, are responsible for your child's education. All of these things are only supports to you. And here I am as a tired kindergarten teacher. And in fact, I just recently went back into a school two days a week because they were having some problem with some behavior issues with some of their kids, and somehow they found me okay. I can only do two days, but I can't do more than that. So it is our responsibility to make sure that our kids are getting the right education, whether that is academic, whether that is spiritual, whether that is physical or even social, emotional, all those things, the bottom line is those responsibilities lay on us, and all these other things are supports to us in that endeavor. So I love what you're doing and keep going. You got it? Yeah. So I always end with the same question of my guess every time. And the question is, we know that there are no perfect parents, aunts, imperfect heroes, but some parents do seem to be more successful than others. So how would you just. Describe a successful parent
Kristina Heagh-Avritt 35:01
In our current day and age. A successful parent is really one who communicates and models the values and the important stuff to our kiddos is one that actually sets boundaries, because they're that kind of framework right now, like, oh, I'll just let my kids discover and find out everything that they need to know. It's like, no, they need those boundaries so that they can grow through it and around it and understand life. So don't be afraid to do that. Communicate, set boundaries.
Herb Heagh-Avritt 35:30
Yeah, you just kind of stole my answer with your last little what you were talking about there? No, that's quite all right, because successful parenting are parents who are involved with their children. It's not that they give them everything they want. It's not that they're helicopter parents and deciding everything for their children. It's parents who are teaching their values but giving their children room to grow. They create the structure. They create the boundaries, like a tomato cage. You put a cage around a tomato. It grows up and is strong. If you don't, it just kind of spreads out. And the fruits aren't great, but you also prune the tomato, and also it comes outside of the cage and also grows up. So while you set the boundaries, it's not a cage like a prison cage. It's a structure with which they can grow up in. So involved parents, but not helicopter parents. It's like no, you know, and and especially, especially in the education system. So even if your children are going to school, be involved with your children, your jobs are going to come and go, your friends are going to come and go. Where You Live might change, but your children will always, always be your children, and so that should be where you put your second most effort. Your first should be your spouse, your second should be your children, and so that you can have them when they grow older, we're helping other people figure that out.
DJ Stutz 36:58
Yeah, nobody does everything right, and I love that when we talk about boundaries, you don't have to be an ogre as you're enforcing those boundaries. You enforce them calmly, firmly. This is our value. This is what we do. But those boundaries are what make our children feel safe and actually that they can know what to expect next. I know that this is going to happen next because those boundaries are set and they're clear and they're equitably and consistently enforced, correct. So I love it. Love it. You guys are great. I definitely need to have you on again to talk more about education and how that all fits. That'll, uh, definitely have to happen in the 2025 season. So we'll look forward to seeing you again. Thanks so much and everyone, I hope you all are having a wonderful holiday season, Christmas season, and that we can maybe take some time, especially as we're getting ready to start a new year. It's good time to start. I don't care if it's July, whatever, but we got this January 1 thing coming up, it's a great time to maybe reassess how we are bringing spirituality into our homes and into the lives of our children and making their lives better for it. So thank you so much. And everyone. Happy holidays. Merry Christmas and until next time, let's find joy in parenting. See you guys, thank you so much for sticking around to the end of today's episode of imperfect heroes. Parenting is truly one of the most rewarding journeys we can take. But let's face it, it can be incredibly challenging, and sometimes we make it harder on ourselves than it needs to be. The good news is that with a little bit of work up front, there are practical steps you can take to bring more peace and joy into your family life. I am passionate to share these strategies and insights with you. If you're ready to step on the path to joyful, effective parenting, I invite you to schedule a family checkup. Just click on the calendar link in the show notes below. Schedule a time that works perfectly for you, and let's work together to create a more harmonious and happy environment. And remember every small step that you take today makes a big difference. So thank you again for joining us, and until next time, let's find joy in parenting.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
