Empathy: The First Step in Raising Morally Strong Kids - Episode 188

Did you know that empathy is the very first step in your child’s moral development? In this episode, DJ dives into how kids begin to connect with others emotionally—even as babies! From mirroring your smile to responding to your tone, your little one is already laying the foundation for empathy.

Listen in as she shares five practical, everyday strategies to help you nurture empathy in your child: building a safe and loving environment, tuning into their emotions, modeling kindness, encouraging diverse experiences, and using stories to explain actions and choices.

Stay tuned for tips and insights to raise compassionate, emotionally intelligent kids!

TIMESTAMPS
3:13  DJ Stutz defines empathy as the cornerstone of human connection.
7:10  DJ Stutz discusses how empathy is innate and affects individuals regardless of their emotional development.
8:28  DJ Stutz outlines five strategies for nurturing empathy in children.
19:54  DJ Stutz emphasizes that empathy is a skill that needs continuous practice and cultivation through daily interactions.

For more information on the Imperfect Heroes podcast, visit: https://www.imperfectheroespodcast.com/

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ONE ON ONE COACHING Link: https://www.littleheartsacademyusa.com/courses/one-on-one-coaching-bundle

Find DJ’s Book “Roman is Bigger” on Amazon, Kindle, Barnes & Noble, and Walmart.

Transcript

DJ Stutz  00:14

You're listening to Imperfect Heroes: Insights into Parenting, the perfect podcast for imperfect parents looking to find joy in their experience of raising children in An imperfect world, and I'm your host, DJ Stutz,  Welcome everybody, and thank you for choosing to spend the next few minutes with us here at Imperfect Ieroes. And I just want to congratulate all of you for being at the right place and listening to the right show, because here you're going to get some answers and some insights on how to parent better. Not to say you're not a great parent already, but there's always room for improvement. And kudos to you for looking for information and opportunities to grow and learn. I'm really proud of you for making this choice. Well, for those of you who are new to us, this is the show where we explore the joys and the challenges of raising children who thrive. So I'm DJ Stutz. I'm your host, and I am so excited to kick off this episode. So if you listen to my episode back on, I think it was January 6, the first episode of 2025 I kind of just did an overview of moral development and what we're looking at. So today we're getting actually into the first of the steps of that  moral development. And this first step is empathy. But before we get started, I want to invite you to join me for my free monthly workshop. It's called Parent Perspectives, and it's held every fourth Thursday of the month, and it's at 3:30pm Mountain Time. And so when you go to my website, which is wwwIimperfectHeroes.net, just click on Parent Perspectives to register at no cost. And we have a wonderful time talking about the joys and the challenges of raising kids in today's world. And we discuss how children develop physically and socially and emotionally and, of course, morally. And we also help do some problem solving with some of the challenges and the issues that the parents who are attending the workshop are facing, and we even get the occasional grandparent and caregiver, even a teacher. And it is a great time connecting and understanding that you are not alone on this journey, so I'm going to go ahead and put the link in the show notes, so just be sure to check it out.  All right, let's get started; empathy. Empathy is the cornerstone of human connection. Actually, it is the foundation for building strong relationships and developing that moral compass. It's truly amazing to think that even newborns show signs of empathy, and today, we are going to explore how it begins, why it matters, and then what parents and caregivers can do to help nurture it and move it along with our kiddos. So grab a cup of herbal tea, settle in, and let's dive into this warm and important conversation. So let's just start with the basics. What is empathy? Well, as I looked it up, it turns out empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. So this is what allows us to connect with others on a deep emotional level. And here's the incredible part, empathy doesn't just suddenly appear when children start speaking or playing with others. It's actually present from birth, and I've seen this firsthand during my time many moons ago, when I was administering a support group for NICU families so newborn intensive care unit families. And I also have had friends. I still have friends who are NICU nurses, and they have shared some of their amazing observations as I've talked with them about preparing for this episode, and one of the common phenomenon that they talked about is that when one baby cries in the nursery. Others will often join in. It's as if the babies are mirroring each other's emotions, and this is a sign of early empathy. It's a newborn's way of responding to the emotions in their environment. And this behavior doesn't end when newborns leave the hospital. No, no, no. We see it in childcare environments with babies and toddlers. So when one child laughs, others will giggle along. They don't know why they're laughing. Somebody's laughing, I'll laugh with them. What a great thing. And then even when one cries, there's often that ripple effect that can occur, and so this mirroring of emotions is a natural human trait that continues throughout life. So think about it. As adults, we are often affected by the attitudes of those that are around us, whether they are positive or negative, whether we are at home or at work or at some other type of social event, it's a powerful reminder of how connected we all are. Empathy is something that is actually innate. It's part of who we are, deep down. And while there are some that, for whatever reason, develop a deeper sense of empathy, and then there are those who don't, but even among the worst of us and at our hardest times, we are still affected by the emotions and the vibes of the people who are around us. So think about being at a football game, right, or baseball game or whatever, and you know, every crowd's excited, and we get caught up in that right? Maybe a family reunion, and we're so happy to see one another, or maybe not, but the family group think really does affect us, maybe at a funeral or how about a concert? Think about how we pick up on the emotions of those that are around us. This is something that is just innate, and research backs all of this up in an article in developmental science. It's a magazine. It highlights how a mother's emotional state during pregnancy can actually influence her baby's development, so high levels of anxiety in pregnant women have actually been connected with a range of challenges for their children, including a difficult temperament, along with behavioral and emotional problems, even issues with their immune systems and stress regulation. So this tells us that even before birth, babies are sensitive to and influenced by the emotional environment that's around them they are learning and responding and developing intelligence even while in the womb. So what does this mean for us as parents? Well, it means that the way we manage our own emotions and the environment that we create for our children has a profound impact on their ability to develop empathy. So now that we've established how empathy begins, let's talk about how to nurture it, and here are five. There's more than that we could talk about, but I've got five specific strategies that parents can use to help their young children develop empathy. So one of them is create a secure environment. So especially in the first few years, empathy flourishes in children when they feel safe. A secure environment allows them to focus on understanding others rather than worrying about their own safety, and this means that we must be providing consistent care. We have to set clear boundaries and offer lots of love and reassurance. So what do I mean by consistent care? This means meeting their basic needs promptly and reliably? For example, when a baby cries because they're hungry or they're uncomfortable, responding quickly helps them feel secure and valued over time, this consistency builds trust, trust in you and a sense of safety. It also means that by providing clear boundaries, we are helping our children understand expectations. Yes, and they feel secure in their environment so they know what to expect next. They're not running around worried about what's going to happen. So for instance, if you have predictable routines for things like meal times, bedtimes, nap times, even play times. That gives children a sense of structure and when they know what to expect, they can actually relax more and focus on exploring their own emotions and relationships in a better way so that love and reassurance provide the emotional foundation that helps children feel valued and understood. So this might mean cuddling after a tantrum, and we will be talking about managing tantrums and understanding how they are actually opportunities later this year, but also when we offer kind words during challenging moments, or simply just be present and attentive to our kiddos, these actions communicate your to your child that they are loved unconditionally, which is crucial to their emotional and moral development. So creating a secure environment also means being mindful of your own emotional state. So children are highly attuned to their caregivers feelings. So managing stress and modeling calmness can greatly influence their sense of safety and their ability to empathize. So let's number two, respond sensitively to their emotions. So when your child is upset, begin with helping them to put a name to what they are feeling, say things like, I can see that you are feeling sad or it looks like you are frustrated, and expand their emotional vocabulary, and that's going to help them better understand the difference between mad, angry or furious, or maybe happy, thrilled or ecstatic. I personally happen to know of a book that is very useful in helping to build their emotional vocabulary. And the link to Roman is bigger is down in the show notes. And when you help them identify and name their emotions, it validates them and builds on their understanding, and this is an essential step in understanding others emotions. So sensitivity also means being patient and calm even during challenging moments. So we're going to model emotional regulation, and then we're going to use this vocabulary that we've learned or they've learned, and we are going to provide opportunities in the family, in public, in books and videos, to help your child start interpreting how others may be feeling you can ask the question, how do you think we can help? Or why do you think they may be feeling that way? And you will get simple and sometimes honestly just disconnected answers when they are very little, but around the age of three or four, you're going to start seeing the benefit of these discussions as they start noticing other people's emotions and situations on their own. And what a joy that is when your kiddo first starts looking at other people and identifying how they are feeling, instead of making it all about them, which is normal and natural in their early development, but when they start looking outward, you know that we are progressing on to a different stage of development, and how exciting is that? So number three is we want to mirror their feelings when appropriate. Let's talk about this for a second. First off, use your facial expressions and tone of voice to reflect your child's emotions. So for example, if they are excited and happy, you want to smile and speak with enthusiasm as you talk with them. And if they're upset, adopt a soothing tone. So this mirroring helps them feel understood. It also builds their capacity to empathize with others, and it strengthens the bond between you and your child, and as they see you, connect with their emotions.  This will help them to see you as a safe person, to share how they are feeling, but keep in mind, when your child expresses anger or frustration, it's really important not to meet their aggression with aggression of your own. So instead, you're going to want to focus on providing a calm, caring presence. Use a gentle tone of voice, check your body language, make sure that it is relaxed, and then have a compassionate facial expression. And this approach not only helps to de escalate their emotions, but it also teaches them how to manage conflict in a healthy way. At the same time, it's crucial to reinforce boundaries on behavior and language. So for instance, you might say, I can see that you're upset, and it's okay to feel upset, but it's not okay to hit when you balance empathy with clear boundaries, you are going to show your child that all emotions are valid, but certain behaviors are not acceptable, and this dual approach is going to help them feel supported while learning self regulation and respect for others. That's the empathy connection. There have a conversation with them once everyone's calmed down. Doing it while everyone's upset and angry and frightened and scared or whatever isn't going to work. You want to help just calm them down. But at another time, we can have a discussion, and once everyone is calm, we can guide them by sharing how the other person might have been feeling during the event and what may have led to the event. So this really important. This is not a judgmental conversation, but this is one of just teaching and exploration of how we interpret what just happened, how we look at what happened for the other person and their point of view and help them move forward with that. Okay, so let's go to number four. We want to expose them to different people, and had to have different interactions. You know, diversity is a great teacher of empathy, so introduce your child to people from various backgrounds and cultures and encourage them to interact with peers of different ages, different abilities, and then these experiences are going to broaden their perspective and help them appreciate others feelings and viewpoints. So for example, attending community events can give you a chance to meet people who are not just like you, who have different abilities, right to watch interactions between other people. Sometimes we can do this just as an observer and making comments and ideas and and having curious thoughts about what might be going on. Another thing you can do is just read books that feature diverse characters and that can spark meaningful conversations about empathy and understanding. And so if you live in a community that doesn't have much visible diversity, there is always diversity of experience, talents, temperaments and so on. And in fact, no matter what your community looks like, I would focus my attention on those diversities, you know, abilities, temperaments, all of that, rather than physical attributes, let them see people for who they are on the inside, all right. And number five, help your child understand the world by narrating your actions and your decisions just kind of think out loud. So for example, you might say, Oh, it looks like this person needs help. I'm going to help them carry their groceries out or whatever. But let them hear that you are noticing someone else needs help. You might say, this person looks a little upset. Maybe they need some space on their own to just calm down. Or maybe it's something like, you know, Mr. Binion is getting older. Let's help him take his garbage can out to the curb. When you do this, you are modeling empathetic behavior and makes it easier for your child to understand how their actions affect others, and by connecting actions to emotions and outcomes, you're helping them build a framework for empathetic decision making. All right, so empathy is more than just a childhood milestone. This is something that we as humans are going to need to continue to work on all of our lives. I hope that everyone listening to this, and even someone speaking currently, is still working on our ability to behave and understand in empathetic ways. It's something that never stops, or at least it shouldn't. This is a skill that impacts relationships, decision making, career success, and even how we find happiness in our lives. So by fostering empathy early, we set the stage for our children to become compassionate, socially responsible and even joyful adults, but remember, empathy isn't something we teach in a single lesson. This is something that is cultivated through daily interactions, by us modeling and providing that consistent care that we talked about earlier, and the more that we practice empathy ourselves, the more our children are going to be able to absorb it. So as we wrap up today's episode, I want to invite you to reflect on how you can incorporate some of these strategies into your daily life, and so whether it's pausing to acknowledge your child's feelings, maybe you're modeling kindness in your interactions, or you're creating a secure and loving environment, every small step makes a difference and be aware of opportunities that either you can create or on the lookout as we are engaging with other people out in the community, within the family, at school, at church, wherever It is that you are watching and noticing and having conversations with your kids about Susie looks kind of sad today. Maybe there's something we can do to help her right? Those kinds of things really do make a difference. So thank you for joining us today, and if you enjoyed this episode, will you please subscribe, leave a review and share it with someone who might find it helpful. And as always, I love to hear your thoughts and your experiences. You know you can connect with me on Facebook, Instagram, X, LinkedIn, and then don't forget to check out my channels on YouTube, tic tac and rumble, and all of those links are down in the show notes. So until next time, remember that parenting is a journey. It's not a destination, and you are never alone in this journey. So keep nurturing those little hearts and minds, and until next week, let's find joy in parenting. See ya.  Thank you so much for sticking around to the end of today's episode of imperfect heroes. Parenting is truly one of the most rewarding journeys we can take. But let's face it, it it can be incredibly challenging, and sometimes we make it harder on ourselves than it needs to be. The good news is that with a little bit of work up front, there are practical steps you can take to bring more peace and joy into your family life. I am passionate to share these strategies and insights with you if you're ready to step on the paths of joyful, effective parenting. I invite you to schedule a family checkup. Just click on the calendar link in the show notes below. Schedule a time that works perfectly for you, and let's work together to create a more harmonious and happy environment. And remember every small step that you take today makes a big difference. So thank you again for joining us, and until next time, let's find joy in parenting.