Easing Parental Anxiety for Happier Kids with Lenora Edwards

Hey, wonderful parents! This episode of Imperfect Heroes welcomes back our favorite guest, Lenora Edwards, ASHA Board Certified Speech Language Pathologist from Better Speech, for another engaging chat with DJ Stutz. They’re diving into a topic every parent of young kids will relate to: how our anxieties affect our little ones. This episode is brimming with insights you’ll want to hear!

Lenora, a cherished recurring guest, explains how parents’ stress can shape kids’ confidence and growth. DJ shares a personal story about her mom’s fainting spells, showing how constant worry can influence children’s emotions. Together, they offer practical tips like fostering curiosity, building trust, and encouraging independent learning to help your kids grow resilient and strong.

Join DJ and Lenora for warm, relatable advice to uplift your family! Plus, check out DJ’s newest children’s books, Roman is a Bigger Brother and Oscar’s True Friends, great for teaching kids about diversity and emotional regulation.

Listen now for parenting gems! #ParentingTips #KidsWellbeing #ImperfectHeroes

Time Stamps
2:37 Lenora Edwards and DJ Stutz discuss how adults can pick up on each other's anxieties, even without realizing it.
14:40 Lenora Edwards explains how the environment, including technology, can contribute to anxiety in children and adults.
25:18 DJ shares an experience in helping a child work through breaking a boundary in a way that helps him consider options instead of pushing buttons and making things worse.
28:28 Lenora shares how reframing a challenge can calm both parent and child.

Connect with Us!
DJ Stutz -Podcast: https://www.imperfectheroespodcast.com/
Website:https://www.imperfectheroes.net/
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DJ Stutz Calendar Link: https://bookme.name/Imperfectheroespodcast

ONE ON ONE COACHING Link: https://www.littleheartsacademyusa.com/courses/one-on-one-coaching-bundle

Find DJ’s Book “Roman is Bigger” on Amazon, Kindle, Barnes & Noble, and Walmart.

Contact Lenora Edwards
Website: https://www.betterspeech.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/betterspeech/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/yourbetterspeech/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/BetterSpeechVideo
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/better-speech/mycompany/

Transcript

 DJ Stutz  00:14

You're listening to Imperfect Heroes: Insights into Parenting, the perfect podcast for imperfect parents looking to find joy in their experience of raising children in an imperfect world, and I'm your host, DJ Stutz. Welcome everybody, and thank you for choosing to spend the next few minutes here with us at imperfect heroes, insights into parenting. And today I have my good friend. She's been a guest several times on the show. I love having her here, that's why I have her back. Lenora Edwards, yay.

Lenora Edwards  01:02

It's so good to be with you again, DJ, and I love coming to celebrate with you and to have our awesome conversations that we do.

DJ Stutz  01:08

Oh thank you so much. We do have great conversations. And today we're actually talking about parental anxiety and how our anxiety can affect our kiddos. But before we get started there, ooh, gotta show you so excited. So you've been listening or watching the show much. This is my Roman is Bigger book, right? Yes, yep, and you've got it in your background right there on my desk. Thank you. So glad you have that. But so here and then, oh, hey, another Roman book is out. Just came out. So Roman gets to be a bigger brother. His little brother Niko, comes into the situation and he's worried, like, Is mommy still gonna read stories? Is daddy still gonna play soccer? Will they still love me? And then, are babies fun? Are they not? And he actually learned that babies are both, that sometimes they're fun and sometimes they're hard, and that's just kind of life, isn't it?

Lenora Edwards  02:08

Now I know way to go for him, yeah.

DJ Stutz  02:10

And then also, so I have two books that came out literally at the same week. It just worked out that way. So Oscar's True Friends. It's about a fish, and he's helping the other fish in the ocean, there in the sunlight zone, to understand that they are wonderful, just the way they are. And it's our differences that make us stronger and a better community. We don't have to be all the same. In fact, we don't want to be all the same. We need the diver sity that's in us. So anyway, that. And if you know all the usual places, Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Walmart, Good Books, all those things. Okay, let's jump in. Yes, so adult anxiety. And we talk a lot about our kids and worrying about their anxiety and how they're doing, but we exhibit a fair amount of anxiety ourselves. In fact, some of us that may be part of our makeup and part of our struggle is we may have some kind of a thing going on where panic attacks or whatever can kick in, but a lot of times we just may be anxious about different things and why we're doing that. And I noticed, and we were talking earlier, how just a couple weeks ago, I was at church and just having a conversation with a sweet little mommy, you know, she's got little kids, and she was talking about some different things and ideas that she had, and it was just a normal conversation, but super high energy, she's, like, super high energy and anxious about a lot of things. And I didn't realize it as we were walking out of the church, and I told my husband, I took a breath. I was like, Oh, I had no idea how stressed out I was like, I was picking up on her energy and her anxieties without even realizing it. And so do you have that happen to you, where you think you're going along fine, and then somehow you step away from the situation, it's like, Oh, I really was stressed out. What's that? 

Lenora Edwards  02:26

You know, anxiety is very interesting, especially when most people and I, when I was going through what I would consider the height of mine, I had no idea. I would have never characterized it as anxiety. I would have told you I was worried. I was worried, I was fearful, I was afraid. What if this happens? What if that happens? Never once did I associate it with anxiety. I might have felt like tight in my chest, or like uncomfortable my stomach, but I never used the formal definition of anxiety. And it's so interesting, because we can pick it up, especially in age of 20-25. We pick it up so easily because we have so many other things that are going on. And I often think of ourselves as an antenna. Not only are we expressing ourselves, are we sending out energy, we're also picking it up that being said, we can pick it up from other people. People just like you're passing a plate of cookies, and it's something to really be aware of, because you don't notice it's happening until you get into the car and you're like, Ooh, what was that? Wow, she was stressed out. And you notice that you're starting to decompress back to your levels. But we absolutely pick it up. And this is just between strangers. So you can completely understand how people, including our children, can pick it up from their parents,

DJ Stutz  05:29

Absolutely and in fact. So just last week, if you go back and look at that episode, we actually part of the conversation was on empathic kids, empathic adults, and how you pick up on the emotions of the people who are around you. You know they say laughter is contagious, right? But so is sadness and sorrow and stress, and you may not be going through the stress, but you're near someone who is and if you're an empathic person, if you're an empath, you're going to pick up on theirs as well. And so our kids are like that, but adults are like that as as well. And so it's really important for us to maybe take a minute, take a breath. It was like when I walked out of the church and, oh, and it was the cool air. You know, is that spring bold and just a touch of snow, of spring snow in the air, and that coolness kind of Oh, felt good. And then I could say, oh my goodness, I had no idea how I was really feeling. And you just brought up some of the important symptoms of being anxious, things like being worried and frightened. And your chest tightens, your heart is pounding more, and sometimes it can even get to the point where you're developing these intrusive thoughts that will come into your mind the what, what if? What if? And well, this person's trying to do that, and that person's trying to do that. It's not even near what they're trying to do. But we're putting those intrusive thoughts into our minds and our hearts because of the anxiety that we tend to feel. Maybe we're just an anxious person.

Lenora Edwards  07:12

And it can absolutely take on a life of its own, and this is an area where I've spent a massive majority of my adult life, is really understanding our emotions, why we think the way we think, how we're thinking, and then how to shift our thinking. So when we're talking about anxiety, things that we notice are tightness in our chest, oh my gosh. What if this happens? Well, what if this happens? Well, what if that happens? And when you do that, not only, especially little ones have this regulation that we're working to support and help and nurture adults. So for example, I could have easily taken what I grew up with, and I had I, you know, growing up in environments that were anxious or that people were constantly worried. I had parents who were absolutely loving, and also, thankfully they still have them. They are or they, they were very worried and protective. But also, well, be careful that. Be careful this. Be careful of that. And I didn't realize I had become that version of myself and constantly walking around with stress now adding to that. So this isn't just only strictly in homes or only strictly in schools. This happens from our environments, our environment, as in where we live in 2025 and if you have any idea what a cell phone is, quite literally wires, you to be anxious, to be on the lookout for something, and it's not until you really understand your brain, how your brain operates, what's happening. Why do we keep picking up our phone every five seconds? Why are we constantly on guard? What are we looking for? We have no idea why we're this way until we start to be the detective of our own thoughts and behaviors and when we're parents, when we're nurturing children, when we're spending time with children, whether it's a guardian or a caregiver or a teacher, whichever. And we're not trained in the ability to control our emotions and to calm our nervous system, our kids will also pick that up unknowingly and things. A lot of the time, parents will ask me is, well, how do I know I'm doing it? It's coming right out your mouth? Well, don't do that. What if this happens? What if that happens? Oh, be careful. Be careful as you're expressing yourself. Yes, if your child is running into the street and you're shouting, be careful after that. Very appropriate, completely appropriate if they're feeding themselves over here. Oh, don't spill it. Now, this is an unnecessary situation where you're sending all of this information, all this energy, all this worry, all this fear, all this anxiety, to that child, and that child is literally consuming it. You. Picking it up without even knowing it, and then we'll start to mimic and model the behaviors that you're showing them.

DJ Stutz  10:09

Yeah. Another thing that can happen is they hear, be careful, that emotion. They hear it so much that it has no impact on them anymore. That's mom. So when they are running into the street and you're saying, Be careful, be careful, they're like, whatever. It's mom instead of, oh, wait, that's something different. Mom's not usually like that. Or dad, you know, same thing with dads too. But it's interesting to me how our kids will start to whatever Funny story, weirdo story, and it tells you what an awful child I was. But so when I was 10, my mom was pregnant with twins, which would make six kids in our family. Well, there was another one even after that. But okay, but so I'm 10 years old, and the twins were big when they were born. They were 613, and seven, three, which is like enormous, yeah, for twins. And they would get in kind of under her, where her lungs are. And so there would be times when, depending on how they were fitting into her womb, that they would pressure her lungs, and she wasn't getting the air she needed, and so she would pass out. And then, oh yeah, oh yeah. And then as she's down on the floor, they would move, and then she could get the air she needs, and she would come too. So Wow. Now I want you to look at this. Look at your reaction to that story, right? Holy cow, right? This woman drove us around town, but leave that, I'll leave that alone. So we would be at a store, and she would pass out. We would be, you know, she would be doing something at home, or washing dishes or whatever. She'd pass out and go down on the floor. Well, it happened so often for me, though, and I knew that she would come too, because she always did, right? Like, oh, okay, whatever. So you go from that first couple times it happens, oh my gosh. What's going on here, too. I mean, it was to the point where, when Mrs. Benyon came to the Ralph's grocery store, and the manager of the store is like, they employees had her picture. If she comes in, someone follows her, you're getting things off the shelf for her. Because it's bad for business to see a passed out pregnant woman on the ground, right? I think I'm sure he was out of the kindness of his heart, but I laugh at that. Anyway, we had been grocery shopping, and we're at checkout, and there was a new employee who didn't know, right? And so she's checking out, doing her thing, and my mom said, Oh, I'm gonna pass out. Down she goes. And of course, the reaction of this lady is like, oh my gosh, we need to call an ambulance. She's I'm like, Nah, she's okay. She does this all the time.

Lenora Edwards  13:08

I'm just so used to it.

DJ Stutz  13:12

That it was like, she'll be fine. She'll come too, sure enough. You know, just a few seconds later you can hear, you could hear her, that's what was her thing, and she'd be okay. And then we loaded, they loaded the groceries for us, and she drove us home. But it's the same kind of thing when we're constantly anxious and worried and upset about things, and it loses its impact. It loses its power with our kids, because it's like, man, she does this all the time. Went around 

Lenora Edwards  13:46

Completely, you're completely right, yeah.

DJ Stutz  13:48

So, what are some of the things then that we can do, I think, first off, to even recognize that we're being anxious. Like I was at that church, you know, a couple weeks ago. I had no idea how anxious I was, what are some of the things then, Lenore, that you recommend that we can do to kind of even just recognize our own anxiety?

Lenora Edwards  14:09

Yeah, that's such a beautiful question, and I that story is so impactful. I'm telling you that's going to be with me till till the end of time, and how you naturally were like, yeah, she's fine, and there was no elevation because your nervous system was now used to it. And the same thing happens with kids, especially when somebody's constantly harping on them to be careful about something, then they're now recognized as, oh, it's just them being them, or now they're modeling it, so it can really, or can go multiple ways, actually. And what's so interesting is that there are some people that and some parents and guardians that have no idea, and what I will do is actually reassure them that it's okay. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. We're just the internet's just not helping, or she's just not listening. And I'm like, it's because so many times. Times people are thinking that other people are judging them, and what's really going on is that the parent is often judging themselves on the inside. And yes, we all have an inner critic, but to the point of, oh my God, if He spills it, I'm a bad parent, or oh my god, if they're not doing it, they're not listening to me, and that must mean I'm a bad parent. Or if they're not doing this, that must mean this about me, and there are so many times where it can go back to people feeling like they're not doing enough, or that they're not worthy, or that they're not deserving, and it's coming out in a totally different way. And when we do the detective work of really exploring our own emotions, or what does this mean? What does this mean? What does this mean? Oh, it comes back to a feeling, and feelings are just spewing out in so much of worry and so much fear, because people have been through their own experiences, but also taught to be in a, I would probably say, like a pretty continuous hum level and high level of fear. What if this happens? What if that happens? And of course, you could be scrolling and having a very nice feed of flowers, sunshine, ah, they're throwing you an ad that something scary, or you're going through your work, and everything's going according to plan, and then something pops up on your email, and there's so many times where it catches up us off guard. Now we're just in this chronic state of looking for the thing to be wrong.

DJ Stutz  16:30

It's interesting you brought that word, because it really does become chronic or even addictive. But these emotions is we feel like because I'm so worried about this. That makes me a good mom, or because I'm so worried about this, you know, somehow I'm going to avert some big danger that I don't even know what that dangerous. I don't even know where it is, where it's coming from. I don't even know if it's real, but we're gonna avert it, because we get almost a justification of ourselves through that. You know, look, I'm so worried about my kids. Look, I'm so helpful when they forget something. I care so much, and I'm gonna make sure they on the first string of the whatever sports, or, yeah, they're, they're the middle child on the dance recital, or whatever it is that we get so anxious over it really, it doesn't matter if your child's the middle child or on the very left child in the dance, if they play only part of the game or all of the game, it doesn't matter. But somehow, I don't know, we get that type of validation from that where it would be so much more effective, so much more productive when we can stop and say, Why is why is this really important to me? Because chances are they're not going to be NFL player. They're not going to be the Prima Ballerina. There are those who do do that, and they have a natural talent that goes on with it, and there are a lot of combinations that happen that we can't control it all, and will life be okay if they're not the starting quarterback of their pee wee football team? You know, 

Lenora Edwards  18:07

Totally.

DJ Stutz  18:08

if they're not the star night, I can't even think of her name now, because I'm old Clara from Nutcracker, right? Isn't it? 

Lenora Edwards  18:15

Oh yeah.  Yeah, yeah.

DJ Stutz  18:17

 If they're not that, they don't get that main prima role. So big sports people. I came from a big sports family. I love sports. I was a cheerleader. My daughters were cheerleaders. My boy, you know, the whole thing. And I remember Roque when she was, she must have been about six, I think around there, and she's little rah rah cheerleader for her big brother's football team. And so we'd be watching her yay and yelling. And then I look over and there's Roque and her little, cute cheerleading uniform over picking up bugs that she saw on the track that looking at them and investigating them, and and, and we're like, oh my gosh, what is she doing? And she went on to cheer in high school, and she was good at it, and whatever, but it was just funny that, you know, it didn't matter that she wasn't the center cheerleader. She shouldn't have been at that point. She was more worried about the bugs, but it's okay. What's the worst that could happen if my child isn't first string on the basketball team.

Lenora Edwards  19:21

Yeah, it's so funny. As you're, you're talking, it made me think of, there's this idea that we have to be like, there's keyboard warriors. You've heard that phrase, you know, like people who are online, we're, some of us can almost become worry warriors. Like I have to worry I have to justify why this is so important to me, and this is where couples can really get into some difficulties, because if your significant other isn't as heightened in their worry as you are, they're upset that this person you Why aren't you worried? Because ultimately they're not matching it. And. They want, they want that person to be just as worried with them. And really, when they're doing that, that is a bonding connection. You're worried about the same thing. You're in that space together, whereas when somebody's not worried with you, they're possibly thinking calmer. But then it goes back to well, you don't care as much. And then that must mean I care too much, or I'm not enough, or why aren't you doing enough? So it really starts to get very tangled into our level of worth and our level of value and how we show up in the world. And there are plenty of disagreements and unfortunately, separations that have resolved because somebody wasn't on the same literal availability of being worried all the time, and it's really difficult to live, not just as yourself being a warrior, but to live with a worrier and somebody who has that level of anxiety or that level of overprotection, because you don't need to get into a huge argument with your toddler about wearing purple socks to school and a tutu. But there are plenty of people that get into a disagreement about it, because what will people think you can't wear that that's not appropriate, and these stories and these things that people are involved in, and we're not saying that it's not important to that person. Is it worth your level of concern. And I often think I had such a phenomenal I've had a great career as a speech pathologist. And one of the things that I did very early in my career is I worked in a trauma one hospital. So trauma, there's different tiers of trauma, so you might have trauma too, right? Three at hospital units, and trauma one is the worst of the worst, and I had that experience as being the speech pathologist in that environment. And to this day, I will literally tell people, especially when they're up and overwhelmed, and I'm working to help keep them calm, like it's okay, we're not in the hospital. This is not a life and death situation. Nobody's performing surgery. Your loved one isn't on the table. It's okay. And helping them say it, especially in the tones that I choose, I'm not convincing them and saying you should feel bad and you should come chill out and like, Oh my God, what's wrong with you? Never say that to somebody that's not a, my personality or B, going to be very helpful, but helping them realize, oh, I can breathe, it's okay, and that they don't have to run in this super high spiral. Quite literally, brings them out of this intense energy and back down to a much calmer state. And it's just an unfamiliar state because then they're like, Okay, what if, but what if that because they're fighting this emotional charge that the emotion wants to keep a life form, and it really is about learning how to regulate your emotions, learning how to deeply take care of yourself, your thoughts, your emotions, so that you can show up for children. You can show up for your children, and they build that trust with you. They build that nurturing relationship that you both want, and it doesn't have to be based on running around with fear and worry, and if I didn't get the right cupcakes

DJ Stutz  23:17

Exactly, that's so funny. So you've brought it, gosh, so many great points, but one of the key things that came into my mind from what you said is so often when, when we're that overly worried, and I know we don't mean to do this, but telling our kids you're not capable, I can't trust you to do this the right way, so I have to do it. Oh yeah, you're not smart enough to do whatever. So this, you're not strong enough to climb that tree or to jump off that rock or whatever it is. So we can't let you do that because you're not capable. And that's some of the psychological side effects, which is the next thing that I kind of wanted to talk about, but some of the psychological effects that our over anxiety can have on our kids. I mean, we know that it develops or it hurts them. They become anxious themselves, overly anxious themselves. They become afraid to try new things or expand themselves. They see, I guess, more things, if not everything, as an actual threat. Oh, that's a threat. Oh, I can't trust this. I can't trust that. So now their threat perception is unrealistic. I'll put it that way, and it doesn't delay their development in social, emotional development, right? Even academic development, it can threaten academic and

Lenora Edwards  24:43

then even physical. For sure, if you're like, No, sit down. You can't do that.

DJ Stutz  24:47

Yeah, don't climb that tree. Well, they're building their muscles or playground equipment or whatever it is when they're out doing things. Oh, don't do that. We want them in a very controlled well, my child play soccer. I. That's wonderful. My kids played soccer too, but that's very controlled. It's very let them go out and do things on their own. Find some sticks in the if you have any forested area, I mean, or trees or whatever, and make something from that. Make it be something. In fact, it's funny. Just yesterday, I was working with a little, my little, you know, spicy guy that I worked with a lot at school, and he'd gotten in trouble. He'd gone beyond the boundaries, you know, of safety. You got to bring him back. That's fine, but, and then someone said, and I think he has a hockey stick, or some kind of stick, but I'm worried he's gonna hit somebody with that what she was, he's entirely capable of doing. But when I went up there, it wasn't a hockey stick, it was a branch. And I'm like, Oh, wow, this is cool. Where'd you get instead of ripping it away from him and saying, Oh, this is cool. Where'd you find this over by the tree, wow. And he's pulling the bark off of this branch as we were talking about his decision to go beyond the boundary, whatever, right? And that sometimes helps kids to not have to look at you in the eye, but to have something to doesn't mean they're not listening. It just means they don't look at you in the face. But as we got talking, and I said, so this is a cool branch then, and you're just pulling the bark off. Why are you doing that? I'm curious. And he said, Well, I'm going to take it home, and my dad is going to help me make a walking stick. That's a great idea. And so instead of ripping it out or whatever, and I'm and so then I said, Well, I'd hate for you to lose it, and I'm worried about what if you tripped and fell or whatever, and he could do inappropriate things, that's okay, but so, but instead of me just taking it, I said, Why don't I hold on to this and I'll make sure you have it after school. You can take it home first. I had to find out he was on the bus that day, but you can take it home and then you and your dad can work on it. And he looked at me and thought about it, goes, Yeah, that's a good idea. I'll come get it. Okay? So he just handed it to me instead of me saying, you can't have that. So when you trust them, and everyone's so worried about him having a stick, oh, you might do this. Well, okay. But then how do we hand do we handle it in a hyper anxiety way, or in a calm down? Because if they're anxious, and we come in in an anxious way, we're just adding to the anxiousness.

Lenora Edwards  27:26

You said that so beautifully, especially because look at that situation, there are two totally different perceptions. One thought they were going to hit somebody else, so she was worried, or whomever was worried that they were going to hit somebody else. And you came in and rather than going to worried, you went to curiosity, yes, and at no point did he feel like and you said this so beautifully earlier. When we don't let kids do something, we're communicating in some way, shape or form, they're not enough. And you came in, and not only did you reinforce that, that was a great idea. That also, hey, why don't we do this so that way we can actually get it home to dad, and we could do it in a great way, so that you can keep going with this awesome idea.

DJ Stutz  28:04

Exactly, and that's some of the things that I'm trying to teach, not even just parents, but teachers as well. Is this approach is going to help our kids become more independent, more self sufficient, more confident, because some of the things they lose confidence with an over anxious parent, oh, I can't do this. I can't try. I can't and it's either because I'm not capable or because I'll get in trouble.

Lenora Edwards  28:28

Yeah, I often encourage people to notice their kids language when they say I can't do this, and they'll say, I can't do this because I'm no good, or I can't do this because it's too hard. I'll reframe it for them, and then once we accomplish it, or as we're navigating and I I'll say, see, we can do hard things, we could totally do hard things, and oftentimes, especially in today's world, one of the things that I share with parents is because everybody, likely at this point, has recorded their child's first steps on their phone, or their first Walking or their their first steps, their first attempt, feeding them whatever it was. And I'll say, ask mom or dad, or ask so and so, to show you how you first walked. And I said, I know it might be hard to remember, but at one point you thought that was hard, and look at you now. You've run across the playground. How cool is that, and reminding them that we all started at the very beginning. Nobody knew how to feed ourselves, nobody knew how to walk right out of the womb. We all started at the beginning, and they just don't have the recollection. They don't have a memory bank that it was hard. Now they're building the vocabulary of, oh, this is too hard. I can't do it. Okay. Now let's keep building that vocabulary. This might be hard, but I can do it.

DJ Stutz  29:43

Right.  So true. And then I think too well, I don't think I know that we're stifling them with social growth, their ability to make a friend, with their ability to go up to a stranger and say, you know the new kid, hey, I'm DJ. What's your name? Yeah. Because, oh no, we don't know that person. Oh no. Even when you go walking with your kiddo and they see a dog, oh, they want to pet the dog, right? No, no, no, no, that could dog. Could bite you. Or no, no, no. Or do we teach them to go to the owner and say, You have a pretty dog? Is it okay if I pet your dog and they might say, Oh, well, this dog doesn't like kids very much. It might not be a good idea, or they might say, oh, yeah, this is great. You go ahead. Go right ahead, but you're giving them now the skills they're not afraid, to use those social skills that hopefully we're giving them to expand them their horizons, to be socially confident, totally apt.

Lenora Edwards  30:39

I love it and to do social things in a safe way to I think, I can't remember who it was off top my head. They they say, do dangerous things. Let your kids do dangerous things in a safe way. Let them go out and explore. And I'm not saying, give them their bike and say, See, in eight hours, I completely understand. That's how I grew up. I know I and I grew up going around the block in Brooklyn, and it was totally fine. And there's some people who aren't comfortable with that, and that's okay, how they can do things in an exploratory way, in a problem solving way, not in a I can't go outside, or it's not safe to go and talk to a dog or talk to somebody. I just came across a reel, and I was cheering this reel on the mom gave the child, I think the child was probably 910 gave the child money to go inside, to the store, and I think maybe buy an ice cream. And mom sat in the car, and she recorded herself, and she's like, there goes, my kid. He has to go get himself an ice cream. He has to go talk to a clerk and ask and have that social interaction. And I, you know, me, I love that social interaction. Yeah, I had a free in the comment section because that's a great thing. Kids need to be able to know it's safe to talk for themselves. It's safe to speak up. It's safe to be seen, because they are enough, and they don't have to worry that they're going to necessarily get in a situation, and if they do, how are we teaching them to now, 

DJ Stutz  32:06

I know how to do it. Yeah. And then all comes from practice. So that's going to go back to my weekly family meetings that I love to push on people, but that's a great time to actually practice those scenarios. So I've had that. He's been on my podcast twice now. His name's Jeff Negan. His youngest, a year ago, graduated from West Point, and his older two boys are military as well, but when they hit about five years old, it was like a family tradition thing. He would take them to the mall, give them a $5 bill and say, I'll be waiting for you right here. Go get change. And he said, one boy his, I think it was his middle son. When he did that with his middle son, and he went into a clerk and he said, Can I get changed for this $5 bill? And I'm like, Why do you need change? I don't know. My crazy dad thinks I need to get changed for this $5 bill. And was laughing at it, and this clerk, with his sense of humor, gave him $5 in quarters, and they thought, What a great trick this is going to be on Dad, you know, yeah, but he was collaborating, then with a clerk, collaborating on a fun idea, a trick, you know, a thing to do. And when he came back, he's just proud as punch, and he's just like, here, and has this, this little thing of a bag, like bag of quarters, so as early as five years old and like, it's control dad's, yeah, here's some places. But even at five years old, and his boy at eight years old, they made their own dentist appointments. They made their own doctor appointments. They had to call you would give them times that are available, and then think about how lower our anxiety can be, since we're talking about parent parental anxiety, but how much lower that's going to be when we know our kids know what to do if they get lost in the mall, our kids know what to do if a friend is trying to Get them to do something that they shouldn't do. Yeah, and then, and our anxiety level decreases, for sure. Love it, so that's totally cool. And so, oh yeah. So I know we're coming up on time, so let's go ahead and I could talk to you for hours, but I know totally and you'll you'll be back. You'll be back. But so let's just finish up with and I know I've asked you that same question, so I'm not going to ask you again, but I just want to, if you had one little small tip that they can take away today, what would you offer them?

Lenora Edwards  34:34

What do you want your children to remember most about you? Mm, you want them to remember that you were loving and affectionate or that you were constantly worried and anxious, that you were supportive and that they were always enough, or that you worried every time they took a breath and that they never felt like they were enough. What do you want to be remembered for as a parent or guardian or teacher?

DJ Stutz  34:56

That's amazing so embroidered that put it on a pillow and. And keep it in your house. That's so great. Lenora, we always have such great conversations. And so I want to thank you for coming back again, and so everyone, we'll be back next week, and until then, let's find joy in parenting. See ya.  Thank you so much for sticking around to the end of today's episode of imperfect heroes. Parenting is truly one of the most rewarding journeys we can take. But let's face it, it can be incredibly challenging, and sometimes we make it harder on ourselves than it needs to be. The good news is that with a little bit of work up front, there are practical steps you can take to bring more peace and joy into your family life. I am passionate to share these strategies and insights with you. If you're ready to step on the path to joyful, effective parenting, I invite you to schedule a family checkup. Just click on the calendar link in the show notes below. Schedule a time that works perfectly for you, and let's work together to create a more harmonious and happy environment, and remember, every small step that you take today makes a big difference. So thank you again for joining us, and until next time, let's find joy in parenting.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai